his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
