I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
