she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
