I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
