You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
