I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
