Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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