I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
