OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
