I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
