he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
