I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize