Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
