If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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