take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize