So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
