Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
