One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
