how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
