What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
