Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
