dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
