He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
