Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
