woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
