Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
