The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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