all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
