I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
