oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
