I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
