I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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