Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Green mimosas i think yes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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