we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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