I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
