If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
