Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
