she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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