Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
