there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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