NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
