A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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