It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
