What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
