I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
