they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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