Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
