3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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