in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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