4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
