i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
