I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
