Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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