I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
