Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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