Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
