Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
