Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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