I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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