Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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