just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
