I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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