she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize