So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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