A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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