I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
