I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
