even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
