Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
