Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
